How to Approach the Conversation: helping Your Parents to Get Their Affairs in Order

Gently Persuading Your Parents to Get Their Affairs in Order (Ducks in a Row)

Starting a conversation with aging parents about organising their affairs can feel like walking a tightrope – a bit scary but worth it. The goal isn’t to predict doom and gloom but to ensure their wishes are respected and everyone avoids a stressed out scramble. Using tools like the NOTA:BENE System can help bring order to the chaos, providing clarity and maybe a chuckle or two along the way.

Approach the topic with a mix of love, practicality and just the right amount of cake/wine, you choose.

1.        Begin with Empathy

Start by letting your parents know that you’re coming from a place of love, not because you’re secretly plotting to take over their biscuit tin. Try saying something like, “Look, I’m not trying to rush you into anything, but it would really help to know where everything is in case you’re ever too busy playing golf to tell me.” Acknowledge that it’s a sensitive subject, but reassure them that this is all about preparation.

2.        Highlight the DIY Solutions or Professional Guidance

When it comes to legal and medical decisions, the DIY approach may not be for everyone. However, whether you encourage your parents to rope in a solicitor to ensure everything is set up correctly or choose one of the online tools, suggest they prioritise these three key documents:

1. A Will: Without one, the government might step in, and no one wants that – not even the government. For a simple Will an online service like Farewill is a credible option. https://farewill.com

2. Powers of Attorney: These allow someone they trust to make decisions if they’re unable to. The UK government makes it possible to make and register Powers of Attorney with their online forms. https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

3. A Living Will (or Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment): This outlines their preferences for medical treatment and end-of-life care. It’s their way of saying, “Here’s what I want, no ifs, buts, or debates at the family dinner table.” Compassion in Dying is a charity that helps you make and communicate your end-of-life decisions. Their free living will process gives you a quick and legally binding living will. https://compassionindying.org.uk

4. A NOTA:BENE System box: covering all the administrative areas of your life – personal, medical, digital, financial, legal, household, pet, dependent, and more, it helps you get your life admin in order, once and for all

These four items are the organisational equivalent of a sturdy umbrella – you hope you don’t need it, but you’ll be glad it’s there when it rains. ☔️

3.        Think of it as you would Insurance

You wouldn’t get in the car and drive without car insurance, would you? Even if you’re the safest driver on the road, accidents can happen because of someone else. The same logic applies to life admin. We go through life thinking we’ll sort it out later, but unexpected events can derail everything in an instant, and at that moment the admin really matters.

4.        Offer to Help with the Process

Many people delay organising their affairs because it feels overwhelming, or if we’re honest, a bit dull. This is where the NOTA:BENE System shines. Offer to sit down with them to go through it together, perhaps adding a reward for each milestone achieved – like another glass of wine/slice of cake.

5.        Share a Cautionary Tale

Sometimes, nothing gets the point across quite like a real-life example. For example: A friend recently shared a story about their parents, who hadn’t got around to sorting out their Will. When one parent fell seriously ill, it left the whole family in a legal and emotional tangle. Decisions had to be made under pressure, and arguments broke out over what their wishes might have been. The process of sorting everything out took months, cost more than it needed to, and caused stress at a time when the family should have been able to focus on pulling together. With a little planning, it’s entirely preventable.

Sharing a story like this can help your parents see the importance of being prepared. It’s not about scaring them but showing how much easier things can be with a bit of forward planning.

6.        Emphasise the Benefits for Everyone

Remind your parents that getting organised isn’t just for their benefit but for the whole family. It’s a way to avoid stress and uncertainty and ensure everyone’s energy is spent where it matters, not hunting for ‘that important document’ in the attic. Framing it as a favour to you might also appeal to their sense of parental duty. “You wouldn’t want me to make a mess of things, would you?”

7.        Take It One Step at a Time (Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day)

Reassure them that this doesn’t have to be an overnight transformation. Start with the basics, like creating or updating their Will and move on from there. Celebrate each step completed, preferably with cake.

Helping your parents organise their affairs is an act of love, even if it sometimes feels like herding cats. By prioritising the all important legal documents along with using the NOTA:BENE System, you can ensure their wishes are honoured and everyone will know their role. And make it fun, after all, who said getting your ducks in a row can’t involve a bit of quacking along the way? 🦆